My short story

• vocabulary to communicate meaning (Year ⅞)
• use all basic punctuation independently and attempt more punctuation (eg semicolons, colons, parentheses) (Year 7/8

My Story... The CROCK Bite

It was one hot summers when Bob was out fishing with some of his mates: Jeff, John, and Jack, Jeff is 26 years of age John is 27 years of age and Jack is 27 years of age they had been fishing for two whole day's trying to get the big bite. [When Bob gets the big bite he's winding as hard as he can but the fish is just too strong when his mates give him a hand to get it to shore it finaly comes ashore but what happens next is not what he expects a CROCODILE. Bob doesn't know what to, nor does Jeff John or Jack. So they try to take it off but it is just too risky. 

Bob Jeff John and Jack think it would be a good idea to try and take it off when BOOM it just happens in the blink of an eye the crock has striked and Bob has been bitten. Jeff,John and Jack have know idea what to do so they try to ring an ambulance but there is no cellphone reception. They are three hours from the nearest hospital so they get a bandage to try and stop the bleading. Then, they get him in the car and rush him to hospital.

Bob is SCREAMING with pain and they haveonly been driving for 2 hours. He is losing blood rapidly the time is ticking 10 minutes till the nearest hospital, then Jeff stops at the daisry to bye a chocolate bar and when he comes back Bob has DIED!!!. From loss of blood